In response to and suggestion of the utterly shocking fake news presentation by the Global Week crew, the Baguette has adopted the slogan “Fake News Fears Its Phenomenon.”
Mulgrave School, The English Department Womb—
A young group of determined and high-spirited Upper School students stand before their desk counter, one girl dressed in pigtails using a paper cone as a speakerphone to shout “STOP THE SALE OF CHRISTMAS TREES! YOU’RE DEFORESTING THE FOREST! CLIMATE CHANGE IS GOING TO KILL SANTA AND HIS ELVES!”
Students stare in confusion, likely pondering about the pigtailed girls’ proper grammar, while they supply themselves with hot chocolate sponsored by the SAC 5 Days of Christmas.
“It’s the Christmas season,” said Fione Demine, the fellow English teacher overlooking their protest campaign. “And everyone is using Christmas as a promotion. These fine girls and lads are just using this relevant and influential holiday to campaign and gain awareness for global warming. I mean, kids do crazy things all the time.
“These girls are heavily inspired by the Empower campaign. That moonshot project Eileen X which sold out so quickly (NOTE: Therefore, Baguette journalists cannot review it, also due to it being “emotionally attached” to its solitude, refer to article that’s two articles ago), they were certain this is what they want to do as an edge for innovation and future college applications.”
The Baguette corresponder was going to correct Ms Demine about her argument in terms of TOK, but forgot which emotional fallacy this would fall under.
The group, who coined themselves “Santa’s Helping Hands” (SHH in abbreviation), has picketed many Christmas promotions taking place at Mulgrave, including the Grad Christmas Tree Sale, SAC Christmas, and the informal and trivial Christmas assembly. In fact, the group has already blocked the Ugly Sweater mass email being sent to the school, and instead hacked SEQTA and sent out extra assignments in the figmental “CAPSTONE” course and in extension, trapped many people in the PASS program.
They had even attacked the ZOOM festival installation and deemed the overflowing letters as “unworthy” and “unacceptable,” since all those letters needs to be delivered by Santa via flying reindeer, an “eco friendly” option. The school, however, finds this method as “baffling” and “unviable,” and refused to financially support the group.
The next day in the morning, SHH simultaneously broke their piggy banks in the cafeteria, interrupting Chamber Choir practicing on the sky bridge.
“SANTA NEEDS OUR HELP!” SHOUTED one adamant participant while filming their co-curriculars video. “IF EVERYONE CONTINUE TO BUY CHRISTMAS TREES BUY SPARKLY DECORATIONS AND BUY CHRISTMAS LIGHTS, THE WORLD WILL RUN OUT OF ENERGY AND RESOURCES FOR NEXT CHRISTMAS!”
The Baguette correspondent quietly nodded in agreement, unable to speak anything perceivable through any TOK way of knowing because of the overwhelming voice SHOUTING.
It is common knowledge (while denied by the US Global Change Research programs) that Christmas is the leading cause for continual global warming during the winter season. Mass manufacturing of Christmas lights, tree decorations, as well as outdoor accessories among many others have contributed to the denied news story of “climate change.” This group, however, is condemning the condemns by campaigning against the reality.
Before the holidays commence, the Baguette warns its readers to not participate in odd picketing events and does not encourage action of any kind in this manner due to possibly violating the respect section in the Mulgrave Code of Conduct. Furthermore, as the Baguette would not like to be picketed by these beings, the Baguette will attempt to stay neutral in the crusade to “save Santa.”